


CG: VRISKA IS AMAZING AND HOT AND I AM NOT BEING MADE TO SAY THIS IN ANY WAY. TOTALLY LEGITIMATE FEELINGS. ALSO, I SMELL LIKE ZAHHAK'S WORKOUT TOWELS.

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Mind Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2282373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 5 fill for the HSWC.</p><p>"Mind-controlled!Karkat ♠ Vriska</p><p>" I would just like to let everyone know... that I suck... and that I'm a girl... and I like ribbons in my hair... [sigh] and I want to kiss all the boys"</p><p>-Grif, Red vs Blue"</p>
            </blockquote>





	CG: VRISKA IS AMAZING AND HOT AND I AM NOT BEING MADE TO SAY THIS IN ANY WAY. TOTALLY LEGITIMATE FEELINGS. ALSO, I SMELL LIKE ZAHHAK'S WORKOUT TOWELS.

carcinoGeneticist began pestering gardenGnostic at [??:??]

CG: JADE HARLEY. ARE YOU THERE? THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!  
CG: I HAVE A BIG THING I NEED TO TELL YOU AND IT IS INCREDIBLY URGENT. AS IN RIGHT NOW. RESPOND.  
GG: whoa simmer down there karkat! :O  
GG: whats up???  
CG: WHAT'S UP IS THAT I HAVE A TINY BULGE. I HAVE TO SHOO WINGBEASTS AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE THEY CONFUSE IT WITH A WORM.  
GG: uh :\  
CG: WHEN I ROLL AROUND NAKED IN MY LAWNRING.  
CG: IN THE DIRT.  
CG: WHICH I DO ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I AM A GROSS ANIMAL.  
GG: ...  
GG: okay so ill talk to you later  
CG: FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS FUCKASS!

gardenGnostic blocked carcinoGeneticist at [??:??]

Karkat gave a startled shudder, like he had just woken up from very nearly falling asleep. Oh, Jade had messaged him. No. He had messaged... okay, he didn't recall messaging her. But here it was... oh no. Oh no oh no. Why would he even say that? Shit! Fuck! He had to apologize. Immediately. And then everything went black.

\---

"Whoa, bro. You motherfuckin' sure about this shit?"

"Hell yes, Gamzee. I am surer than a bulgelicking flapchute that I want this." Karkat gave a quick nod.

"Miracles, bro. I knew you'd come around, motherfucker. The mirthful messiahs are smilin' down all up on all of us motherfuckers. You just grab a seat and you just get your chill on, while I go and nab my motherfuckin' paints."

"Sweet Jegus, best friend of mine, I can not wait for the end result!"

\---

There was a knock on the door, startling Karkat out of slumber. He clearly needed to get his recuperacoon schedule back on track, if he was going to doze off like this every five minutes. Right, he was going to apologize to Jade. He looked at his screen, and then his door opened.

"Hey, KK. I brought over the--thweet fucking thit dude, what the hell did you do to your fathe? Holy hell, I thought you were GZ!"

Karkat whipped around in surprise, not expecting visitors. "Gamzee? Why the hell would you say that? And what the fuck are you doing here, besides trying to make my pump stop, you piece of shit nerdlord! Fuck!"

"Uh... look in a mirror, athbag."

Karkat settled for looking at his reflection in Sollux's shades and... oh god. His jaw went slack in absolute shock, his face done up in make-up, with big circles around his eyes and... were those whiskers?

"And ath to what I am doing here." Sollux gave a big grin. "Let me thee if I can remember the ekthact wording. Thollukth, pleathe help me! I am a thtupid idiot grub who can't code my way out of a paper bag, and my mouthe ith no longer working. Pleathe thave me. Oh no, how do I thend thith methage without a mouthe." Sollux smirked even more, just being as smug as well, as he walked past a stunned Karkat over to his husktop, picking up the mouse and following the cord to a very... not plugged in plug. "Wow, I tholved the problem. I am a geniuth."

Karkat's fists balled at his sides. "Get out! Get the fuck out of my hive! I don't need this shit right now, and I need to scrub this beastshit off of my face. And if you tell anyone about this, I will lay a rage coil so far down your throat that you won't even taste it!!"

"Thimmer down there, thlick. God, I'm leaving." And with that, Sollux left. And Karkat made a line for the bathroom, but not before things darkened once more.

\---

carcinoGeneticist began pestering ectoBiologist at [??:??]

CG: JOHN. GET YOUR SASSY BUNS ON THIS MACHINE RIGHT THIS MOMENT.  
CG: I NEED SOME ADVICE.  
CG: IT IS ABOUT ROMANCE, AND YOU ARE SOME KIND OF ENORMOUS-PANNED EXPERT IN THAT DEPARTMENT, PUTTING MY MEAGER KNOWLEDGE RIGHT IN THE LOAD GAPER AND FLUSHING. I MEAN, YOU HOOKED UP WITH VRISKA, AND SHE IS PROBABLY THE HOTTEST AND MOST AMAZING GIRL THAT WE KNOW. IF I WASN'T SUCH A NOODLE-BULGED ASSLAPPER, I WOULD PROBABLY WANT TO BE ALL OVER THAT LIKE SAUCE ON A GRUBLOAF. BUT ALAS, I AM A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT.  
EB: haha what!  
EB: what's going on, karkat?  
EB: and uh... i don't know about vriska, i mean, girl is more intense than when the circus is in town.  
EB: get it? intense? in tents? hahaha!  
CG: NO. YOU TAKE THAT BACK. JEGUS. VRISKA IS PRETTY MUCH THE BEST AND IS SUPER FUCKING SEXY AND YOU WERE A FOOL FOR NOT TRYING TO GET ALL UP ON THAT BULGE WITH YOUR AMAZING ALIEN BOOTY, EG8ERT.  
CG: BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE.  
CG: JOHN. I LIKE DAVE.  
EB: yeah, haha, we all like dave. dave is MAD LIKEABLE.  
CG: NO. JOHN. PLEASE GET THE DICKS OUT OF YOUR AUDITORY RECEPTORS AND LISTEN TO ME. I LIKE DAVE IN THE MOST HOMO OF THE SEXUALS. I WANT TO SMOOCH HIM ON THE DUMB FACE. AND CARESS HIM ON THE PARTS. POSSIBLY THE DANGLER.  
EB: whoa  
EB: for real?  
CG: I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE REAL, FUCK-ASS. WOW, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT I HAVE GOTTEN THAT OFF MY SCRAWNY LOSER CHEST. I AM GOING TO GO. YOU SHOULD CALL VRISKA. OR MAYBE SEND HER SOME NUDES. FUCKASS.  
EB: whatever karkat  
EB: talk to you later

carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering ectoBiologist at [??:??]

\---

Okay, this napping thing was getting ridiculous. He needed to focus. He needed to... close a window, because it was breezy as fuck right now. Wait, why were there so many trees? He was... in the woods? Why was he holding a guitar? If there were any answers to these questions, he didn't hear them before passing the fuck out.

\---

Terezi opened the door to her hive to find Karkat, half-covered in make-up and wearing a pair of pants over his head, holding a guitar and getting ready to strum.

"Terezi, my love, I have come to serenade you."

"What? Oh my god, wait. Vriska! Vriska! Where are you? I can smell you all over this!"

There was a rustling in a nearby tree, and sure enough, down jumped the spidertroll, picking a leaf out of her hair before giving a grin. "Oh, bullshit, how the fuck did you find me?"

"I can smell you. Like blueberries and desperation."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you. Are you mindcontrolling Karkat? Is this a thing that is happening?"

"Maaaaaaaaybe. Okay, very yes." She gave a bigger, predatory grin.

"Vriska!"

"What? He said I couldn't do it! No way am I going to not take him up on that challenge!" Vriska huffed, blowing a stray hair away from her face, leaning on the doorframe. "I'm guessing you're gonna make me give up control then?"

"Yes, obviously. It's called justice, Vriska! It isn't right, and I'm going to--wait, actually. Maybe first, we can make him bleed..."

Vriska grinned. "Scourge Sisters back in action."


End file.
